Number Two: This is my Italian confidential secretary. Her name is Alotta, Alotta Fagina.|
Austin: Come Again.
Alotta: Alotta Fagina
Austin: Uh, I'm sorry, I'm just not getting it. Sir, now you said your name was Alotta of a...nevermind.
Beavis: Check it out, Butthead. This chick has three boobs! Heh-heh-m-heh! Yeah!|
Butthead: Huh-huh...How many butts does she have?
Private: Well, it appears to be in the shape of a Big Boy.|
General: God, it's back
Private: Well in many ways, the Big Boy never left sir. He's always offered the same high quality meals at competitive prices.
General: Shut Up!
Dr. Evil: That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset...PEOPLE DIE!|
Austin Powers: I won't bite....hard.|
Basil: The cold wars over.|
Austin: Well, finally those capitalist pigs will pay their crimes, eh, eh commrades, eh.
Basil: Austin, we won.
Austin: Oh, groovy, smashing, yea capitalism.
Patty: Their always after me lucky charms. What? Why's everyone always laugh when I say that? They are after me lucky charms! What?!|
Frau: It's a television commercial. With this cartoon leprachaun, and all of these children are trying to chase him "Hey leprachaun man, leprechaun man, want to catch the Lucky Charms". Oh, and there's always these little tiny bits of marshmallow just stuck right in the cereal, so that when the kids eat them the kids think "Oh this is candy I'm having fun".
Austin: Au contrare, baby. I think that you can't resist me.|
Austin: Austin Powers, Danger's my middle name.|
Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen to my underground lair. I have gathered here the world's deadliest assasins.|
Dr. Evil: Alright, gaurd, begin the unneccessarily slow moving dipping mechanism.|
Scott: I like animals...maybe I'd be a vet.|
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott: No. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott: You always do that!
Dr. Evil: Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure.|
Austin: How did this get in here? Somebody's playing a prank on me, honestly it's not mine.|
Austin: When you see this jet a rockin' don't come a knockin' baby, YEAH!|
Dr. Evil: Ya know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. Now, evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly throw me a bone here. What do we have?|
Dr. Evil: Here's the plan. We get the war head and hold the world ransom for...One Million Dollars!|
Number Two: Don't you think we should maybe ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days. Virtucon alone makes over nine billion dollars a year.
Dr. Evil: Really?
Number Two: Um hm.
Dr. Evil: Thats alot. Ok then. We hold the world ransom for...One Hundred Billion Dollars.
UN: Now, Mr. Evil...|
Dr. Evil: Dr. Evil. I didn't spend six years in evil medical school to become Mr. Thank You Very Much.
Dr. Evil: Throw me a frickin' bone here. I'm the boss, need the info.|
Vanessa: I would never have sex with you. Ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation...I still would not have sex with you.|
Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?
Tom: Hey partner. Come on, you gotta relax, don't force it, your'e gonna to blow out your o-ring, drop a lung.|
Dr. Evil: Back in the 60's, I developed a weather changing machine which was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers' we'd punch a hole in the protective layer around the world which we called the 'ozone' layer. Slowly but surely ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer, that is...unless the world pays us...a hefty ransom?|
Number 2: Ahem....that also already has happened.
Dr. Evil: Shit.
Austin: That's Dr. Evil's cat.|
Vanessa: How can you tell?
Austin: I never forget a pussy...cat.
Austin: Let me ask you a question, and be honest. Do I make you horny? Randy?|
Austin: Allow myself to introduce...myself. My name is Richie Cunningham.|
Dr. Evil: As you know, the Royal Family of Britian are the wealthiest land owners in the world. Either the Royal Family, pays us an exorbinant amount of money or we make it seem that Prince Charles, has had an affair outside of marriage, and therefore, would have to divorce.|
Number Two: Prince Charles did have an affair. He admitted it and they are now divorced.
Dr. Evil: Right. Ok people you have to tell me these things. Alright, I've frozen for thirty years, OK.
Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant...did you use a condom?|
Austin Powers: No-ho-ho-ho! Only sailors use condoms, baby!
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the 90s, Austin!
Austin Powers: Well, they should, those filthy beggars, they go from port to port.
Dr. Evil: There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum...It's breathtaking...I suggest you try it...|
Austin Powers: No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection, while at the same time, experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!|
Austin Powers: Vanessa, listen, why don't we go into the back and shag?|
Austin Powers: I've been frozen for thirty years! I gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working!
Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request...and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. Now evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Ah, can you please remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here...what do we have?|
Clerk: One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.|
Austin: That's not mine.
Clerk: One credit card reciept for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
Austin: I'm telling you baby, that's not mine.
Clerk: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin: I don't even know what this is, this sorta thing ain't my bag, baby.
Clerk: One book "Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: (This Sorta Thing Is My Bag Baby)" by Austin Powers.
Vanessa Kensington: Hey, isn't that the big dipper?|
Austin Powers: Yeah, and that looks just like Uranus!
Basil: Vanessa is one of our top agents.|
Austin: My god Vanessa's got a fabulous body. I bet she shags like a minx. How do I tell that because of the unfreezing process I have no inter-monologue. I...hope I didn't say that out loud just now.
Austin: Shall we shag now or shall we shag later? How do like to do it? Do you like to washup first? Ya know, top and tails, horse bath. Personally before I'm on the job, I like to give by undercarriage a bit of a how's your father.|
Alotta: How dare you break wind before me.|
Austin: I'm sorry baby I didn't know it was your turn.